from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
