Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
