i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
