Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
