so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
