susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
