Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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