Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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