well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
