Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
