At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
