Someone shit on the floor
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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