Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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