it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
