sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
