if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
