I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
