Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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