i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
