My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
