So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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