I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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