Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
