Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
