I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
