The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
