I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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