he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So much rum. So many feels.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
