yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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