I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
