I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
