She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
