Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Who died my cat blue again?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
