so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
