I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
