I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and she was petting her beer can
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
