In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
