I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
