I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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