Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we're making bets on your personal life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
