she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
