yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
