I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
