I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
