going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
