Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
