This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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