i permit you to call me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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