Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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