i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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