1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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