sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
