My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
